It’s been over a dozen posts since I last focused on my weight and since that point I’ve put close to another half a stone on. I could offer a platitude of excuses most of which would be woolly but if I am being fair to myself I hadn’t the mental strength at my disposal to address it. Chronic fatigue robs you of so much however since mid-August my mood, energy and general health has been steadily improving. Now that it has its time to grasp that nettle.
Today I’m 19st 13.6lbs (279.6lbs). I want to linger, mourn and throw a pity party to end all pity parties however doing that got me nowhere in the past. It’s time to move forwards. The reasons why I am the weight I am are quite complex and long standing but could be summarized in one word, anxiety. I’ve shared before on this very blog that I have an eating disorder. A specialist in the area told me that it would take over 2 years of focused effort to recover from it and from that point on I’ve been in various shades of denial.
There are so many stigmas around an eating disorder especially an overeating one that I have only ever discussed the issue with a very select bunch of people. I don’t know of any others in my friendship circle who suffers from it and who are willing to share. For the benefit of myself and for the encouragement of others I have decided to further discuss amongst other things the reality of living with an eating disorder on my blog. It might be outstandingly courageous or enormously stupid. It could make me tremendously vulnerable to judgemental attitudes and/or a point of mockery. It could make me all of the above however if it helps me I am getting to the point of not caring… much.
So today I am drawing a line in the sand. I don’t want to be over 280lbs, I don’t want my weight to start with a 20. It’s time to turn this ship around, it’s time to grasp the nettle. Talk soon!