Monday, August 29, 2016

Visiting a bottomless hole...

So much has happened since I last blogged I’m not sure where to start… At that point I was going all guns blazing, was exercising, mood was great, hopes were high and I thought I was well on the road to recovery, I was even talking about a return to work.  Then it happened, I got a visit.  Chronic fatigue came and this time it completely floored me.  The week after my last post was the worst one I’ve experienced since I went on sick leave back in early June.  Physically it was tough as nausea levels went sky high; my limbs were an absolute dead weight.  Complementing this, my body’s biggest desire was to sleep, frustratingly the one thing it wouldn’t let itself do.  This was neither the biggest nor toughest thing however; that badge of honour was kept for the psychological despair that came with it.  Will this illness ever go and what do I have to do to be free of it??

Broken I contacted a close friend.  The type you trust completely knowing that the advice they will give will be wholesome, honest and helpful.  It was their company I wanted most as when I sit in it I feel safe.  I came with a completely unrelated discussion point however as we talked I burst.  I didn’t do a bad job of holding back the emotion inside me but we both knew I was drowning in it. As we talked I began to realise just what a hold this illness has on me.  Three suggestions came from our time together.

1.       Go get some prayer ministry/healing
2.       Get some counselling
3.       Carefully consider alternative health practitioners

Taken at the 'Long Hole' shortly after I surfaced...

To cut a long story short a few hours after this chat I found myself sitting on the ironically called “long hole” of Bangor.  You may know it better as the old harbour.  As I sat on a bench with my dog beside me I gently surfaced into a conscious awareness that I had been staring out to sea for some time and that I was weeping, at that point I knew I needed help.

10 days or so on and I have done all three of the above pointers.  It’s been 10 days of peaks and troughs and from it I have realised that my recovery is not only going to be a physical one but will also need to be a psychological one.  As you will no doubt be aware I am a man of faith.  I believe my King loves me deeply and as He promised will never leave nor forsake me.  As I journey onwards His words mean more to me than ever before, His presence with me a thing of outstanding grace, and beauty.  A blessing of incalculable worth. Over the incoming days and weeks I know that God and I will have many conversations and I am living expectant of the restoration and healing resulting from them.

Healing On The Streets - Coleraine.

As I draw this to a close I can feel the therapeutic impact of writing, I must blog more often!  Thanks again for reading, enjoy your day!  


Terry M said...

I wondered where you'd gone! Glad to hear you're up and running again, in whatever fashion you can manage. I'm so happy you've got a faith that gives you strength. Hope to see you and BB soon :-)

Ursula Ferguson NI said...

I wrote a peice on Battered but not broken. As I read your emotive peice I remembered this little extract;
I love the fact that Jesus slept through the storm. The Bible reports not long after they sailed, Jesus fell asleep and a storm arose (Luke 8:23). He shows us how faith is vital when faced with a storm. The human response to any form of threat can be widely varied. A faith response goes beyond human logic. Trusting in him and finding peace despite the raging waves gives us the strength we need to continue to navigate. Blessings. Ursula.

Debs Erwin said...

Hold out for hope Peter, cheering you on!