Thursday, August 07, 2008

Gaining control...

Recently I have developed a growing awareness of the way I think. My father in law would talk about a "racing head" and how it can go from 0 – 60 or from all or nothing in milliseconds.

Over the last month through my devotional times and conversations with others God has revealed to me that I experience this phenomenon and that it controls a surprising amount of my psyche. To put it in the context of my weight I’ve often in the past lost motivation on a whim and been at a loss to understand why.

In my minds eye I think of the past and "if only". "If only" I had continued with that diet a number of years ago where I lost 4 stone, "if only" I had of continued with my exercise regime from 18 months ago – "if only". Before I know it I’m wallowing in a pool of self pity and I’m thinking what’s the point I will only fail like I’ve done so many times before. Alternatively I turn my mind to the future and think I’ve ten stone to lose and how it will take 18 months to 2 years to shed. Before I know it I’m back in that pool to wallow some more. Either way before I know it motivation has melted like snow on a ditch and I’m reaching for food to comfort me and suppress the avalanche of emotion that normally comes with it.
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So from now on I am preventing myself from considering the past in any depth and the same with the future. It’s today that counts and today only. Did I exercise today? Did I eat well? These questions I can control and address rather than other questions that can control me.

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